Not Alone

I’m the kind of person who likes to be by himself. To put a finer point on it, I’m the type of person who doesn’t find it painful to be alone. I find spending an hour or two every day running alone, not speaking to anyone, as well as four or five hours alone at my desk, to be neither difficult nor boring. I’ve had this tendency ever since I was young, when, given a choice, I much preferred reading books on my own or concentrating on listening to music over being with someone else. I could always think of things to do by myself.

Haruki Murakami

 

 

I'm also the kind of person who likes to be by himself. My family and friends are the most important thing to me in the world, but a significant portion of my time is spent alone. I find energy in solitude. Like Haruki Murakami, spending hours alone exercising, not speaking to anyone, and hours alone at my desk doing homework is neither difficult nor boring. I've been this way all my life. As a kid I would spend untold hours alone in my room simply playing with toys. Honestly, the feeling of boredom is very foreign to me. 

 

When I first arrived at college I always had a sense of guilt over the amount time that wasn't being spent socializing. Some have even called me out, accusing that I just didn't care for their company. This judgement was hard on me. I have a difficult time not obliging to what others want. It can be both a strength and weakness. I have an easier time accepting it now, and not feel as guilty about spending so much time away from people.

 

Sometimes I am too shy for my own good, but that is completely different than being an introvert. Shyness is the fear of being judged. I'm really trying to be less self-conscious and shy. Simply typing this post in fact is good practice for me. The idea of people being able to read this and comment is actually a very harrowing thought. Sometimes I wonder if I fall somewhere along the social phobia spectrum. 

 

Despite my introversion and bouts of shyness, I consider myself to be a people person who can excel in certain social environments. Being able to effectively help and work with people is a forte of mine. I just need time by myself too, and knowing I'm not alone in  feeling this way is very comforting.